Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
