There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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