I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
