I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
