you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
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Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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