when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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