i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
