K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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