I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
