no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
