I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
two words: eviction party
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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