i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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