this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
