If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
