My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
