rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
