You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
