so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
