Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
