Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
