I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
