no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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