just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
