Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
