my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
