P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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