found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
