Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
