Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So many bounce houses so little time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
