You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize