Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
