they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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