If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize