STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
