My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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