My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
