Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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