ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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