His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
