after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
