im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
