i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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