Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
