Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
