On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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