How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
