Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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