Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
