i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
