so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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