i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
