Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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