would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
