So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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