I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize