DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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