So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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