I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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