Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
