either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
