Christians are straight up FREAKS
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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