i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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