You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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