Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
