I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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