508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
