i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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