3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
