I want to walk on stilts...naked
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
