He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
