if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
