Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
