I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
