apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
