Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
