She just used a chaser for red wine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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