I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
These tits shall not be calmed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
