duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
