i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude i'm inner monologue high
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
